(With the weekend coming up, I'm hoping that you will have time to read through a wordier and longer post than usual.)
I felt compelled to write this after reading in a mommy forum about how to handle parents who brag. The question from the original poster was “How do you handle parents who love to brag about their kids? [Or] worse, love to compare..?”
She got the following advice:
- Simply tell them that you don’t like to compare, that each child is unique;
- Try to understand that they are just proud parents and probably don't know that they're coming across as bragging.
- Ignore them/ tune them out.
- Short of telling them outright, …make a joke and hope that they'll get the message. Something like, "Wow, I hope my other friends/parents/in-laws aren't bored to tears. I'm forever telling them my child did this and that every time I see them, whether they asked or not. Sometimes I can't help myself, but I need to remember that they might not be as ‘into’ my child as I am!"
And then the rest of the thread kind of branched away from the original question to the discussion of what is classified as bragging. One poster thinks it is “poor form to go on about anything, especially ourselves or our children.” Should you never volunteer anything at all about any of your child’s achievements to other people outside of family? Is it a cultural thing what one considers simply sharing and what another might perceive as bragging? When specifically asked, are you shy about providing information about your child that, while true, might be perceived as bragging? If you feel that your answer might put the other child in a less attractive light, do you find yourself throwing in bits of your child’s weaker points to “balance out” the equation? Who is the more insecure of the two: The mother who “brags” or the mother who feels that the other is bragging?
Reading through Tonggu Momma’s post about a similar issue a little over a week ago, the many comments she received on it and also reading through this thread today got me thinking.
My take on this entire issue is that as parents, we are certainly entitled to a certain amount of pride about our children’s achievements (big and small). When we have happy news, we very naturally want to “share.” I know I do. I am guilty of wanting to talk about Josh and Zoë 99% of the time. Fortunately, the people whose ears I bend on this are Chris, our parents, and our helper –all who, I know, share in my love and pride for these two little ones.
Yes, I blog about them here and yes, I do even have a separate blog that just showcases Josh’s “masterpieces.” Is that bragging? Um, yes, if you consider “volunteering info about one’s children” bragging. All my posts about them are based on actual facts, though. Actual things that they had said and done. And my posts about them certainly are not written with any intent other than my wanting to document moments, my thoughts and feelings at the time, in the hopes that one day when we are all older, we will have this to look back on and help remember.
The thing is, I am amazed at these two tikesters –not so much in terms of how smart they are, but really more in the sense of the “discovery” I get when I look at them and see how far they’ve come from the tiny, helpless babies they were not too long ago. I marvel at what they know and do and say, not so much in a “Wow-my-kid-is-super-smart” way, but more in the way a mother would find wonderment and delight in the discovery that her children, whom she had housed in her womb for 9+ months, are “evolving.”
Now, if I were on the receiving end of another parent’s “bragging” about their children, I try to remind myself that I, too, think that my children are the bee’s knees. For as long as they don’t start comparing in a competitive way, for as long as they don’t give me an enlarged photo of their child expecting that I display it at my house (yes –this was apparently what the original poster in the forum was subjected to!), I’d be more than happy to listen and share their delight in their children.
I would love to hear your take on this. Should there be a Motherhood 101 class where we learn how much is too much, when it comes to talking about our children?