19 March 2010

Equally, But Differently

Before we had Zoë, both Chris and I were concerned about being able to love another child as much as we love Josh. That’s a pretty common concern among parents with one child, I think.

And then Zoë arrived. One look at her and all my worries about not being able to love her as much as I love Josh flew out the window.

One friend told me that although she loves all her three children just as much, her love for each one is unique. And I find that to be so true.

I find myself relating to Josh differently than how I relate to Zoë. There’s that whole boy-girl, older child-younger child thing in play, I think, whether I like it or not.

Josh is now 5 and he says kisses are for girls, although he still lets me kiss him at bedtime. He’s not much into snuggling and cuddling the way Zoë is. My mommy-&-me time with Josh involves him accompanying me on errands to the bank, to the grocery store or we’d go to the library, after which we might stop somewhere for a quick snack. I love those “dates” with my boy. My connection and time now with Josh is less physical, more cerebral. We’d have talks about pretty much anything. He can yak –a lot. We make up silly songs and tell silly jokes. I marvel at this boy and how far he has come from the chubby-cheeked baby who first made me a mommy.

Zoë, on the other hand, is every momma’s dream daughter. Sweet, super sweet and loves cuddles, hugs, and kisses. She says I love you and tells me, “Mommy, I’m glad you are mine.” Now tell me if that just doesn’t melt the coldest of hearts. Maybe it’s from the sustained breastfeeding*, but there is this special bond between us that I just can’t define. Maybe it’s a mother-daughter thing. She lights up my world.

Yes, we are expected to treat each child equally, but I don’t think it is realistic to expect that we can be the same way with each child all the time. Each child has his/her own unique personality and we need to be able to respond accordingly. Loving Josh and Zoë differently does not mean I love one more than the other. I think I’d be “truer” to my love for them this way than if I were to force myself to love them both in exactly the same way. Am I making any sense?

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone!

*Yes, we’re still at it and she turns 3 in a month and no, I hadn’t intended to go on this long! Zoë has promised me that she will stop when she turns 3. We’ll see.


CottageGirl said...

I totally understand. Your beautiful children are individuals, so you are bound to love them differently.

You are so lucky to have such a lovely family!!!

Small Burst said...

Very cute. I have a boy-age 6 and girl age 3. Although they're from the same gene pool, they're so different.

Dandy said...

I love this, it just makes so much sense.

I've missed you, I'm sorry I haven't been around much!

Wanda said...

You said it right!!

Have a great week-end!

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

I understand where you're coming from. You have a special bond with them both but each are different because they are very different. It's good that you recognize them for who they are. It makes time together even more special.

Alicia said...

It's true! Everyone is wired differently. My oldest daughter is NOT the touchy/feely type, but my youngest daughter loves to be hug and cuddled! My boys are that way too. Two of them like hugs, and the other one hugs, but not for long..LOL.

Serline said...

They are such a clever and lovely kids. You are a great Mom too!

Have a wonderful weekend!

Rachel said...

I was just thinking about this yesterday! That God made us to parent children differently - because THEY are different! My sister and I are polar opposites, so I can see how it would have totally bombed if my parents expected us to respond the same to identical parenting. I'm so glad you recognize your kids' differences and enjoy them!

JennyMac said...

What an adorable pic..My older brother and are very different and my husband and his brother could NOT be more different so I think that is also fairly common.

You are such a sweet Mom.

Menopausal New Mom said...

Absolutely true. Each unique child will have a unique relationship with you making them special in a different way. I'm with you though, having a little girl that cuddles and snuggles and kisses is just the best :)

I have one too!

Have a great weekend,

Aunt LoLo said...

Wow! That IS sustained BF! I am the first LoLo, in several generations, to be physically ABLE to breastfeed...so, in Lo Gung's family, my 12 months IS sustained BF. LOL

a Tonggu Momma said...

My momma always said to avoid treating your children equally... you need to instead simply focus on giving them what they need. My momma is pretty smart, I think.

Nezzy said...

Exactly! Each child is uniquely created and those bonds we from with them are just as uniquely formed. Isn't love grand. It always amazes me how much love a heart can hold.

Ya gotta remember I'm a rockin' grandma of eight.

God bless and have a fabulous Friday sweetie!!!

Herb of Grace said...

Me too! Although we started with a girl and part of my love for Judah is mixed with complete AMAZEMENT at how different he is from Sofi. Still though, even though I KNOW now, I wonder how I can possibly love ANOTHER child as much as I love these two :)

Six Feet Under Blog said...

I treat each on an individual basis. My son hates it though, he thinks I let the youngest get away with too much. lol

katherine said...

This is sooo cute!

Beautiful picture :)

K x

Alisa-Foodista said...

What a lovely post...you have very lovely children too.

Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip said...

What a sweet post and the photo is beautiful! My children are different from each other too. But I agree that breastfeeding adds something special to our relationships. Both my boys nursed for several years and it definitely enhanced our closeness. The other day at homeschool co-op, an 8 year old boy told me that he loved nursing when he was little because it made him feel, "connected." Can you believe he can still remember that at the age of 8? I was impressed!!

Anonymous said...

What a lovely blog you have, beautiful post, and adorable family!
I am a new follower visiting from FFF @ MBC

Rachel said...

I think having a daughter does make things a whole lot different.

Gals are such a sweet heart, melting your heart effortlessly. =) showering you with cuddles and kisses, something that boys are not really into. =p

hypermom said...

I know exactly what you mean; what works with one child may not necessarily work with another. I guess, we just have to trust our instincts. I have four kids and I find that I need different approaches for each of them :)

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